Dear Gregor, Why Do I Flog?

GregorAndrew, thanks for writing to my Head Wrap Advice Column!

I think you meant “blog” rather than “flog.” I’ll just make this assumption about your not-too-subtle Freudian typo, OK? Not to worry. As you’ll see, it’s the same problem anyway.

So, here’s your answer.

You suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You have an unyielding fascination with yourself. You feel that your importance has gone unrecognized, that your worth is unbounded, that you hold some kind of special wisdom the rest of the world should recognize and admire. You demand adulation and you don’t care how you get it. Words are your weapons and you use them without regard to those who must suffer through the toils of reading them. There is but one Universe and it’s spelled “Andrew.”

You suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You can’t help yourself. You run around in the same maze, endlessly. You bounce up against the walls without counting your bruises. You just don’t learn. Instead, you mindlessly plow ahead, which is really a way of staying behind, and you don’t ever take the time to look outside yourself. It’s the voice in your head, that singular compulsion in your brain, that keeps you running around like a crazy person. As I’ve previously alluded, you are self-absorbed.

You have no life. You’re stuck in time, nailed to some undefined psychic environment of your own design. You just haven’t learned about the wonderful world outside your personal space. Life means little to you because it all happens between your ears. You are dull, boring, fettered and listless. It’s your world and the rest of us are just passing through it.

You’re bored. As I just said, you’re also boring. You do nothing of genuine interest to anyone, including yourself. Your most interesting attribute is that you have fast fingers. You may have a facile mind but it really doesn’t impact anyone other than yourself. So, boredom is your constant companion. You expect the rest of us to just accept the situation.

You are fantasy-prone. Only you can hear that voice in your head. Only you can see those images trickling through your brain. Only you. It’s always about you, Andrew, right?

You are in need of professional help. This should be obvious, Andrew. What you do, and why you do it, defines who you are. There are professionals out there who are waiting and anxious to help you. If you really want help, reach out and just stop flogging. You probably won’t do that because you are you, right?

Hope this advice has been of some help, Andrew. As always, I love to hear from my readers.

Gregor, the Head Wrap Advice Columnist

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2 thoughts on “Dear Gregor, Why Do I Flog?

  1. I daresay that last one isn’t misspelled; it is just a sad commentary on how many of our public servants (which includes the public works) are stoned, or drunk, at any given time. When it comes to spelling, I am a terrible snob, but then I always remember Lewis and Clark who wrote their journals before standardized spelling. The literary world truly was their oistur, back then! And who decides the rules of grammar and spelling anyway? Lately, they’ve changed when you should use an apostrophe in ‘its’, and I still haven’t figured it out! My son came home from middle-school years ago, and told me he had said to his teacher, ‘A dog should own it’s own paws.’ Ha!

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