Gregor likes to read blogs when he’s not undergoing shock therapy. Good blogs have good titles for every post. It’s the Rule of Gregor. Bad titles get the [NEXT] button and are never read. Ditto with bad opening lines like “Hi! I’m back!” or “Dear Readers.” Geez. Makes Gregor shudder.
OK, so Gregor can be a bit of a grouch. So what! It’s his life. He wants to share with you just a few of Gregor’s favorite worst titles, hackneyed opening lines, and terminally boring phrases.
The Next Big Thing. Oh, come on. Really! “Next” for who? “Big” for whom? Gregor hates this endlessly oversued title. Lose it. That should be your next big thing.
I’m Feeling (. . .) Today. Gregor doesn’t care how you’re feeling. Gregor is not your doctor, not your shrink. Tell Gregor something he cares about. He’s not your father, or even your mother. Gregor doesn’t even know you.
Ten (. . .) Tips From (. . .). Gregor hates “tips.” He prefers the iceberg. If all you can do is hack out some tips from some intergalactic source, Gregor objects.
Top Ten (. . .). Nope. That doesn’t work either. Same as the “tips” thing. Besides, who says your “ten” is any better than Gregor’s? Why “ten?” Is that just to fill up the page? Why not 6 or 32? Can’t think that far ahead? Gregor can.
I Should (. . .). Yes, you should. But not on Gregor’s time.
Work in Progress. Gregor thinks work is a four-letter word. Gregor thinks you should stop whining and just do it, whatever it is.
Why I (. . .). Gregor doesn’t care about “why,” he just wants to know “what.” Gregor doesn’t want to crawl around inside your head when you make such a blatant display of its contents. Gregor prefers the subtle approach.
My Favorite (. . .). You are not Gregor. Gregor is not you. Why should Gregor care about your favorite anything? Put it in an Email and send it to all your friends. Put it on your Facebook page for all the other gawkers. Don’t bother Gregor any more.
To Do List (or any variation thereof). If you have to make a list you’ll probably never get it done anyway. Gregor recommends destroying your list, stop planning, start living. Gregor likes action.
Hello . . . Goodbye.