In a stunning overnight development, Weeper of the House, John Blamer, has been overthrown by Gregor. The House of Overlords met in a secret session and announced their decision shortly before dawn. Blamer refused to return calls or make any public comment.
Gregor’s meteoric rise to Weeper took pundits by surprise. He was never considered a power broker among the Overlords or anywhere in DC. Known best for his strong stance against self-lobotomy, Gregor was narrowly elected to the House last year. He attributed his victory to the insight and loyalty of his dozens of supporters.
When asked for a comment after the late night session, Gregor said,”Yes, thank you. I’m now the Weeper and it feels wonderful. This is a testament to my fellow Overlords, who clearly understand the difficulties of overcoming a failed self-lobotomy.”
Back in his home State, word spread quickly about Gregor’s victory. Nearly two dozen of his strongest supporters gathered at the Frankliin Fart Pub to celebrate. The mood was predictably euphoric.
“Gregor is the man!” they chanted. “He’s been there for us and we’ve been there for him!” Drinks were on the house, courtesy of Franklin Fart, pub owner and Gregor’s half brother.
Gregor had long pushed a tight and simple agenda for his fellow Overlords. He advocated doing away with all votes and placing decisions in the hands of the Weeper. Now, that responsibility is his. It seems as though the House of Overlords found their new leader and have placed their complete trust in his abilities.
When contacted for a comment, Gregor’s Thief of Staff shed a few tears, something that Gregor, himself, promised would never happen on the floor of the House.
“I’m so sorry,” said Thief Gregor Jr. “This is a dream come true for all of us. It’s a new day for our Country. No more Blamer, no more arguing, no more voting. I feel that, as a Country, we’ve finally arrived. Gregor will set things right.”
When asked about Gregor’s next step, Jr. smiled and offered an approving nod.
“Gregor will be taking a few days off. He’s earned it. He’ll be in Iowa resting and taking a few shock therapy treatments. By next week, he’ll be on the job, working hard for all of us.”
Gregor lives here.