Dear Gregor, What’s the Worst Book Ever Written?

GregorMickey, thanks for writing to my Head Wrap Advice Column! I truly enjoy responding to persistent and intuitive readers like yourself. Today, I am writing to you from the Moon, so I’m a little closer to home.

Your question is a ripe minefield of wisdom and speculation. As you can imagine, the accolade “worst book” is somewhat subjective. Still, this kind of thing has been measured, bandied about, argued, settled and resettled many times. There are also innumerable “worst books” out there, as I’m sure you’ve already noticed.

My research indicates that there are several worthy candidates. I’ll give you just two to consider. In my view, either of them oozes the qualities you are seeking.

Microwave for One (by Sonia Allison). Don’t bother to search out a copy. It went out of print just as it went into print. However, it has been read by a few, brave and desperate souls. Some alleged chapter titles have survived, which should tell you all you want to know. Here they are:

Plugging in Your Microwave and You

How to Wait 3 Minutes

Eating With Cats

This book was generously nominated for the accolade by the Huffington Post. Readers’ reviews and commentary can be found at the Huff Post Books section.

Sonia Allison’s book was apparently meant as a serious treatment of the subject. However, our next candidate offers more of a mystery as to message and intent.

Moon People (by Dale M. Courtney)

This is a completely controversial selection but it seems to meet the criteria. The book is available from Amazon and has some extraordinarily insightful reviews that discuss the literary masterpiece in detail. It’s very hard to know what is real and what is not, which is so much a part of the fun. Before you dive into the book, take a look at the writer’s opening paragraph for Chapter One. It is certainly a work of art, somewhere, like on the Moon.

This story begins on a Beautiful sunny day in Daytona Beach Florida With a man by the name of David Braymer. A 45-year-old Single man that works at the local High school as a science teacher and astrology in the 12-grade level. Now he’s been here about 5 years and has become kind of partial to a young lady by the name of Cheral Baskel a local restaurant owner in Daytona Beach. At the moment Cheral’s preparing her restaurant for another Shuttle launch at the cape and everyone always gathers at her place because you can see the launch real good at her place. It’s also on the water and its real close to the cape and she really decks the place out.

So, you tell me, Mickey. Are we all being pimped or is this the cosmic underdog of all literary achievements? Perhaps there are other candidates in the running. Would you like to share them in your next letter?

Hope this advice has been of some help, Mickey. As always, I love to hear from my readers.

Gregor, the Head Wrap Advice Columnist

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5 thoughts on “Dear Gregor, What’s the Worst Book Ever Written?

  1. Pingback: The Big Let Down « E.E. Moxam

  2. I totally saw a book called Microwave for One in a used book shop! I remember it specifically because I laughed when I saw it and showed it to my friend. I have no idea it was rare…and terrible. If I had known that I would have picked it up! Darn it!!!!

  3. Why does the opening paragraph of that book sound so similar to those emails you get about cashing one’s check for them? I think those two bodies of writing have a few things in common, they are written by people who do not have a firm grasp yet of the English language, and if you read them instead of deleting them, they can be quite humorous.

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