Gregor Demands Waffle Holster Tax

Boo HooGregor is unhappy with the American pseudo-hero fixation. He’s talking about those guys who pop up, grab media love, look flawless and then implode in front of the entire world. He’s thinking about those guys who can’t keep their waffles in their holsters.

Gregor wants these miscreants to be taxed, hard.

There was a time when heroes seemed real, sort of. Gregor remembers those days. But it was a self-delusion. Gregor understands they probably had holster problems, too. But they got away with it because the media looked the other way. Did that make it right? No! It just set Gregor up for disappointment. Gregor is displeased with unholstered waffles. He wants someone to pay.

Yale preacher dude

Gregor remembers preachers crying all over his TV screen because their waffles got loose. You know their names, right? Gregor does. They strolled around in front of us all, collected all kinds of money, said all the right things. They looked good. Their haircuts were perfect and they all had tans. These guys had partners, and their partners all seemed devoted and in love. Gregor was certain these preachers had it all going their way. Then, ka-boom! They turned into burnt marshmallows in front of a vast, unsuspecting population. They were disloyal and had been spewing swamp gas for decades. Bummer. Why?

They couldn’t keep their waffles in their holsters, that’s why. They need to be taxed. They need fiscal redemption. They need to be penalized and handed a bill for interest and late payments. They need to give something back, other than words.

Politician's Election Mobile, near Aitape, PNG

How about those politicians? Gregor remembers them all yacking about the moral life, family values, to always do the right thing. They chattered about loyalty, fidelity, the high road. They looked pretty sexy, very appealing. They had wonderful, intelligent, articulate partners. They all kissed, hugged, held hands and showed off their families. It was the American ideal. Then, ya-coozer! Up they went in smoke, right there on our TV screens, again. They moaned, cried, asked for forgiveness. But it was all too late. Why?

They let their waffles loose, just like those preachers. They should have been taxed into oblivion. It’s OK to give them a second chance, but only after they’ve paid the tax they clearly owe.

Terminator (character)

How about that Austrian kid from humble means? He started lifting weights at 15. The dude worked hard. Very hard. By the time he was 20, he was Mr. Universe. Not a bad start, Gregor thought. He took America by storm. The beefer broke into movies. Some were not so good, right? But he persevered. He always looked pretty good on the screen, although the dialogue could be a bit problematic. Anyway, he worked hard, again. The kid became the Terminator and hit it big. Then he became the Governator and hit it even bigger.

Oops. It all went sideways for the Governator. Why? You guessed it. His waffle had been loosed many years prior. His wife terminated him. Gregor was disappointed, yet again.

He should have paid a heavy tax for his holster failure. But, no! No tax at all. Gregor doesn’t think it’s fair. Gregor demands change!

OK, so Gregor admits that guys often have waffle holster issues when their egos get out of control. Our country is filled with them. Let your mind wander through the long list of politicians, preachers and media idols who have gone crunchy at the height of their influence. It fills a tome. It could be the start of a meaningful tax roll.

GregorGregor believes all of these people should have been heavily taxed. There’s still time to set things right. The money should be collected and spread around to those unsung hero-guys who keep their waffles in their holsters. In fact, Gregor wants these loyal guys to get a tax refund.

Forget about taxing the rich. Tax those guys who have waffle holster issues. Tax the heck out of them. Load them up with interest and late-payment fees. Make them feel a little of the pain they’ve spread around the world.

Gregor would feel good about this kind of tax.

Gregor lives here.


6 thoughts on “Gregor Demands Waffle Holster Tax

  1. Gregor is mean, and perhaps a bit jealous? Just because his waffle is toasted and stuck in its holster! If he had the geedahs, he’d be as bad as the rest. Me, I’m pure as sunshine.

    • Well, you’re probably right about Gregor. Here’s a secret only you and I know. Gregor lost his waffle back in the Mexican-American War. He joined up prematurely, so to speak. Thanks for your comment.

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