Gregor’s Family Album

GregorGregor is proud of his family. They have a long, established heritage. He would like to share some photos with you and tell you a little more.

As you know, this is Gregor.

Considering the difficulties of his failed lobotomy, Gregor has done well. He is a determined individual, who attributes his many successes to his forebears. All of them suffered from failed lobotomies yet each overcame the obstacles and became luminaries in their own right.

You might notice there are no pictures of any of Gregor’s female relatives. This was forbidden by family tradition in order to protect them from many tenacious detractors. Not everyone is understanding or kind when it comes to lobotomies. Gregor hereby asserts that none of the women in the Gregor family ever succumbed to a lobotomy, nor did any of them even try.

AlbartomewThis is Gregor’s grandfather, the first in a long line of lobotomized family members. His name was Albartomew. No one is sure when he was born, or where. He immigrated to America immediately after WWI. Some rumors claim he was an illegal alien but Gregor strongly refutes this story.

Albartomew established the first American clinic for failed lobotomies in Iowa, or perhaps Nebraska. It could have been Arkansas. No one is certain. What is known for sure is that Albartomew fathered several children and his lineage spread to both Coasts. Albartomew had several brothers but no sisters. Most of his siblings were never heard from again.


However, one of them, Sartomew, became a male model. He specialized in demonstrating advanced head bandaging procedures across America. Sartomew had a large constituency, a cadre of enthusiastic recruits who would follow him along the byways of our beautiful back country.

As you can see, Gregor’s uncle was stunningly handsome. This helped his career and his pocketbook. It is generally recognized that Sartomew did more for failed lobotomies than any of Gregor’s other relatives. He set the family standard for success. He was also legendary for his perfect compliment of teeth, which can be clearly seen in this photograph.

Sartomew broke new ground with his philanthropic efforts. He was the first family member to turn his attention to canine failed lobotomies.


This is Butomew, Sartomew’s first lobotomy rescue dog. Butomew went on to achieve fame in his own right by learning how to count to 17 with his paws. He was the first in the Gregor family to travel to Nepal, achieving enlightenment at the ripe age of 92 before he retired.

Gregor's Cousin

Gregor’s second cousin, Flutamew, became a scientist. He followed Butomew to Nepal but was killed in a Yak fight. This was a sad day for Gregor’s family but, as always, they overcame and moved on to even greater heights.

Gregor's Party Bandages

As one of his most important legacies, Flutamew took this group portrait shortly before his departure to Nepal. He is the one pictured at the bottom right. Thankfully, this treasured piece of history was preserved and protected by Flutamew’s psychiatrist, Momamew,  who did not die in a Yak fight.

Wrap Party

Finally, here is Gregor’s favorite family photo. It hangs on the wall in his clinic. This fascinating artifact depicts the famous head wrap that Gregor’s family perfected over three generations. Gregor hopes you notice the strong family resemblances, the inherent strength in the family jawline, and piercing eyes of intelligence and determination shown in this photo.

Gregor thanks you for glancing at his family album and for sharing in his tradition. He wishes you all a successful and prosperous lobotomy.

Gregor lives here.


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