Gregor Spanks Geezers, Just a Little

GregorGregor has been handing out a lot of spankings lately. He thinks there is something in his well water that makes this happen.

Today, he wants to spank geezers, just a little.

Gregor is a geezer, so he knows the wayness of old. He cannot be deceived by studies, rumors, or philosophical debates when it comes to geezerness. Gregor has experience and he will not be silenced by conventional wisdom.

There are some aspects of geezerness that are good, some not so good. Gregor understands the yin-yang dwaddle of all things. So, he’ll try to stay balanced.

Whining. Gregor does not like whiners of any variety, at any age, under any circumstances. He also believes that geezer whining is the worst. It should be made illegal. Geezer whiners should be taxed, heavily. Now, Gregor understands that geezers may have cause to whine, at least in their own minds. Lots of geezers have aches, pains, bumps, grinds and lousy bowel movements. So, what? Since it’s the nature of geezerness to have these issues, why tell everyone in the world about it? Everyone already knows about these things. Gregor suggests that his fellow geezers lighten-up and quit stating the obvious. No one appreciates a bore. No one wants to read the same chapter over and over again.

GeezerStay slow. Rushing around is for the young. Gregor used to keep the pedal to the metal, every day in every way. But he’s gotten wiser over the years. There’s a deep beauty to slowness, to proper pacing. It’s like Tai Chi. Better to do it slowly than the alternative. Gregor believes that the destination is in the journey. He likes to look out the window, wonder at the passing scenery. So, why all the rushing around? Makes no sense to Gregor. Keep it easy, friend geezer.

Don’t be cheap. Gregor’s not talking about money, he’s talking about sharing yourself. If you have something to share, why not just put it out there? If you live long enough to see something important, say so. Don’t be cheap with all the stuff you’ve collected over the years. Gregor wants you to share, carefully. He shares, carefully. Sometimes, geezers have something to say that’s not whining. When they do, it sometimes makes sense. It’s good to offer wisdom to others, so long as they ask for it. Don’t just hang it out there like a dead fish, unannounced. But, when someone asks, give it freely.

Stop acting like Judge Judy. This is the worst of the worst for geezers. Always judging, always interpreting according to ancient, hackney customs and styles. What’s that all about? People are different, thank the gods. Just learn to accept it and stop being threatened by these differences. Geezers should know better. After all, if you’ve been around this long, why not develop some tolerance for differences and diversity? Everything doesn’t have to be in accordance with those ancient, perfect, flawed visions of your younger years. Why not enjoy change, just a little? It won’t kill you. Gregor doesn’t appreciate people who mock his failed lobotomy or judge him by his head wrap. Would you? So, don’t be one of those draggy old geezers.

Make some young friends. You’ve got to have some good cards to play if you want to stay in the game. You don’t want nothing but a vast sea of old geezers from which to draw inspiration. Keep in touch with the younger folk. They usually have much more interesting things to offer, and they typically don’t repeat themselves so much. Instead of focusing on tricky bowel movements and the good old days, why not learn about something a bit more contemporary? Check out the younger generation. They’re the movers and shakers, just like you were a long time ago. Find out what’s happening in the real, bigger world outside your wrinkles.

Boo HooNuke the nostalgia. Gregor hates nostalgia. Now, that doesn’t mean remembering is a bad thing. It’s helpful and sometimes interesting. But, all of this longing, pining away, for the good old days is pure doo-doo. It’s a complete drag for everyone involved. Those days were yesterday, remember? Learn from them. Share the memories if asked. Never bore the universe with verbal tales of past times that wind around the mountain and end up at the same old trail head. It’s just plain dull. It’s nostalgia at its worst. You know what I mean, don’t you old geezer? Are you guilty? Well, stop it!

Humor. Yep, it’s the magic pill of old age. Lose your humor and you begin to shrivel like last month’s mushroom. You need to laugh, every day. Find a way to make that happen and then spread it around. It’s your job to find the fun in life and share it. If you can’t uncover a good laugh, blow your nose, take your enema, and try a little harder. Of all the supplements you could take, humor is the most powerful, the most long-lasting. Gregor likes to laugh. Don’t you? No? You better get with the program, stuffy geezer. You need to laugh to get on the train to somewhere.

Don’t be a know-it-all. Since everyone you meet already understands that you don’t know it all, why try to convince them that you do? Silly old geezer. Relax and learn. Listening is an art, so give it a try.

Get techie. Gregor understands that tech stuff is difficult for geezers. He struggles with it all the time. But technology is here to stay, and it’s wonderful. Dip your toe into the pool and learn to swim around with others. It’s powerful, empowering, and it’s very “today.” Techies know stuff, very interesting stuff. You still want to learn, don’t you? You don’t know it all, right? So, get techie and see what you can pick up along the way. Have some fun. Make some friends. Get groovy for a change.

Comrade Barking OrdersKick fear in the ass. Remember when you were young? Remember that feeling of invulnerability? Well, that’s yesterday, so quit worrying about it. There’s nothing more to fear today unless you keep searching for it under every rock and shadow. Shed the worry skin and take a good, long look at all the potential fun and interesting things around you. How about those fascinating people that cruise through your life? Aren’t they more meaningful than fretting about whether your thyroid will blow up if you eat too many clams? Perspective is a good thing. Balance is even better. Keep to the middle and spank those frivolous fears. They’re nothing more than the ghosts of an uninvolved, starving mind. Step out and stretch a little.

Live large. Gregor knows that geezerness is a winding road. But it’s also a chance to reach out, to try something new and fun. You may be riding a mule rather than a quarter horse, but it’s still a good ride. Take it to a new direction, to a place you’ve never been, toward that dream you filed away so many years ago. Live large, every day. You’ll be a much happier geezer if you get involved and live it up.

Gregor lives here.


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